The Single and Positive: Single Parents Blog Interview Series aims to make a positive impact on solo parenting by sharing unique stories of single-parent families. Sharing the frustrations, joys, challenges, accomplishments, and what is in the minds and hearts of solo parents. My goal is to build a positive outlook and a supportive community for single parents, especially for single moms.
For the interview, I am focusing on young single moms for now, as I hope to break the negative stereotype attached to unwed single mothers and encourage them to live a positive life despite the crazy adventure. I wish every story turns into a learning and inspiring piece, if not to everyone, then at least to one reader – single mom or not. 🙂
Few weeks ago, I’ve already shared my thoughts on why I’m doing this Single Parents Interview Series
. In spite of being not 100% confident about this, I am finally pushing it today. Geeez.
Okay, let’s cut the intro and proceed with this looooooong interview. Yep, it’s a long one, so it’s not intended for the “quick” readers. Haha This is for my dear reader who is struggling in her single parenting journey. For someone who’s looking for a positive community for single moms. 🙂
This first interview is answered by yours truly. So, hi! My name is Rose and I have two kids, Zooey (5) & Zion (2). I run Mommy Wanders Blog since June this year. As of now, I work homebased as a part-time freelance writer. But I’m starting a new full-time job next week, so changes are expected ,especially with our current family schedule. huhuhu 🙁
17 Questions on Single Motherhood, Parenting, Life, and Family Matters
Warning: **While this post is meant to spread positivity, expect that some foul expressions are
said written in sharing my honest thoughts and feelings on our real life stories. You know, sh!t happens.**
ON SINGLE MOTHERHOOD
1) Tell us about the time you became a single parent. What were the first few months like? The first year?
-I can’t exactly recall how things had happened, but I remember how negative my feelings were. The situations were different with each kid, but both were a rollercoaster of emotions –hurtful, depressing, joyful, and life-changing. I can’t deny that being a single mom didn’t immediately sink in, to me, but in time, I just learned to accept it. Now, I embrace it with pride and an open heart.
2) How do people usually react when they learn you’re a single mom? How do you feel about their reaction?
-I get a mixed reaction depending on the age group. Like when I talked to a young group (in school), they get surprised, then they ask too many personal questions. Haha As for the older group (like at work), a few are surprised, but they don’t question as much or not at all. I got used to the reactions so I care less about them anymore, though sometimes, I still kinda feel weird or awkward about it.
3) Have you ever felt judged being a single mother? How/when? What do you wish to change about it?
-YES! I often get the “Look-at-this-lady.-Does-she-know-what’s-she–doing?” kind of stare many times, especially when we are out in public, when it’s just the three of us. Young mom + two kids + solo parent = perfect recipe for judgment, right? I mean, what do you expect from people when they see a twenty-something mom chasing after two young kids without any sight of a “husband”?
Is it really that bad? Maybe not for you, but I think it is. Don’t get me wrong but it is how many people made me feel about it.
I think some people still have this old mentality about young single mothers as “careless unwed teenage girls” who were left on raising their own kids. I know there’s so much negativity on being a young mom giving birth out of wedlock, because “marriage before children” is sacred in our religion. Being unwed breaks the religious teachings on staying pure.
“Unwed” might be the status for many single mothers, but does it really matter in being a parent? As an individual?
I mean, should people be judged based on their marital status? Yes, for some legal matters. But to judge a single individual for having kids is a completely different story. I think if things like this don’t change soon, then we will continue to live in a sad and cruel world for many women.
Can we at least delay judgment, if we cannot stop them at all?
What I’m trying to say is that we are all different. We came from different situations and experiences. Regardless of our situation – single parent or not, no one deserves to be judged. In our case as single mothers, so what if we don’t have a man in our lives? Do we really need them? Is it really just about the “absent” parent? Honestly, I can’t fully grasp where all the negativity come from. Please enlighten me.
If there’s one thing I want to change, I wish that people will get over it and move on with their own lives. I hope in the next few years, we will all be spared from judgment and negative stereotype. As a single mother, we are more than that. We wear many different hats as a parent, a daughter, a friend, an employee, an entrepreneur, etc. Please try to look past the “single” status. But for those who really can’t help it, then maybe judge single moms on how they raise their kids alone without a man’s help.
Add: Oh, one more thing. I don’t like it when people pity us, or say they feel sorry for the kids.Wait, WTF does that even mean?
You’re sorry that our family is different from your typical mom + dad + children composition? You’re worried that my kids are doomed to fail in life because they’re raised by a single mom? F*ck off.
End of my rant. Haha Do I make sense? Sorry for the language, just needed that to clearly get my point across. 😉
4) Tell us about your experience living on your own/with your parents/ family? What do you like and not like about your current living arrangement?
-I’m living with my family and they’re a huge help in everything. But I admit, it’s not always about good times and we have our fair share of conflicts. I realized that it’s really difficult to still live with your parents when you are already a parent yourself. As much as I try to discipline and teach my kids to be good children, I, myself, have failed as a daughter many times. I won’t lie, I’m not the best daughter and it hurts that my children see the irony of it. But I’m trying to work things out and make our situation better.
5) Are you open to dating and relationship as a single mom?
-Maybe after my kids enter college. LOL
6) What’s the most challenging thing about single parenting? What’s the best and most rewarding?
-The most challenging is the lack of time & money. I think things would be easier if I were more financially capable and had more time to accomplish more things.
The most rewarding is seeing my kids learn and adapt the things I teach them. No matter how frustrating or stressful our days can be, I am grateful that we end our nights with good bedtime stories and conversations, and my kids learned to say their own thanksgiving prayers.
7) How has becoming a parent changed you?
-It changed me a lot in so many ways. Like I did a complete life “overhaul”. I think I’m a different person now than when I was younger. My views have changed. I became more passionate and determined to do what I have & need to do. I’m more focused on my direction now, trying to take baby steps to pursue my dreams for my family
8) Have you dealt with any prejudices or issues about your child? How about on parenting your child?
-Yes and I hate it. The very common ones I get are “Your son is bad” and “Your daughter is shy” statements. I hate how people assume that just because kids act the way they do, they are already THAT kind of kid or that they deserve such labels. Some adults are really inconsiderate of the kids’ feelings.
-Also, yes. I’ve received unsolicited “parenting” advice on how I parent my own kids. I understand the good intentions, but sometimes, it gets annoying.
9) What are the top 5 values you try your best to instill in your child?
-Kindness, Gratitude, Respect, Humility, and Honesty. Can’t believe instilling good values is so damn hard! But I know that with consistency, guidance, and prayer, they’d learn and grow with these values.
ON LIFE & FAMILY MATTERS
10) What’s your biggest struggle and frustration right now as a single mom? What do you consider your greatest joys and accomplishments?
-Okay, this question makes me want to rant again. My biggest struggle NOW is the lack of time. It’s frustrating that I can only do so little things when I need to do so much. It’s so frustrating that there are many things I left unattended and I can’t seem to manage everything well. There are a thousand of things running on my mind at once, but people assume I don’t care because they only see the very few things I do.
Many times I feel guilty of being a monster mom when my kids get in the way of work because I feel pressured that 24 hours is not enough for me. And when I’m with the kids, I’m guilty that I don’t give my full attention sometimes because my mind is wandering through the lists of things I have to do. I know they don’t deserve this, but I’m stuck. I’m running in circles, like I’m in a rat race tryin’ to get out but I can’t. Sometimes, I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. Like all I want to do is pack my bag and leave and breathe and forget about everything. I want to just forget about the dues, the deadlines, the tantrums, the laundry, and our stinky, smelly room. I sincerely do. But F*CK IT, I can’t. I can’t imagine leaving my kids.
It’s a crazy feeling. Like just for once, I want to forget that I’m a mom, BUT just the thought of my kids make me question myself why I even think of NOT wanting to be a mom.
Well, writing all these things, I feel like my chest is aching. It’s hard to admit that I f*cked up. I have kids depending on me so I have to keep myself intact. I have no choice but to continue because when little people rely on you, you got to show them that you’re good, that you’re capable. Even when you’re not. Because they trust you. One important thing I learned is that I’m not allowed to give up, there’s room for mistakes but not for giving up when you’re a parent. So I just have to keep trying. Really, there’s just no time for irresponsibility or bullsh!t excuses right now. I know I have to get my sh!t together and resolve my own issues. And I commit to solving them, asap!
Wow, I said a lot in here. Seems like I just had an outburst. I hope no one ever misinterprets my frustrations. I’m not mad and I don’t regret anything. I was just frustrated. But now, I feel better letting it all out. 🙂
So what’s my greatest joy and accomplishment? My greatest joy is seeing my kids get along well together. It would be a great accomplishment for me if they grow to be the closest and sweetest siblings, and be always protective of each other.
Right now, I’m looking at them while they are sound sleeping. They slept without having meltdowns tonight and we bid goodnight in the sweetest way. That’s an accomplishment for me.
11) How do you balance your time for your family, work, and taking care of yourself? Do you mostly plan your days and stick to a smooth routine or do have a free-flowing schedule?
-Balance? What’s that? LOL I’m not sure. The only routine now is Zooey’s class at 1.00-3.30pm. The rest is free-flowing. But things will change next week when I start my new fulltime job. (Help, I’m not ready! huhu )
12). What’s your most favorite thing to do together as a family? What’s your most memorable moment with your child?
-Most favorite is eating our meals together. Second favorite, anything we do inside our room before bedtime – storytelling, conversations, mini concert, watching YouTube videos, etc.
13) Where do you get inspiration on life, parenting, and single motherhood? Do you have any book, website, blog, or magazine recommendations?
14) What are your biggest dreams and goals for your family? How are you keeping up on accomplishing those?
-Building our dream home, providing quality education, family trip to Disney. 🙂 I’m faaaaaaaaaaaarrrr from achieving them. Haha But other than the material stuff, my ultimate goal is to raise my kids to become adults with values and have the passion to help change the world for the better.
A SINGLE MOM’S MESSAGE
15) What’s your message to your kid if he/she gets to read this 5 or 10 years from now?
-Hi baby, hello ate! I love you so much!! I know it sounds cheezy but you two are the best in my life. I pray that whatever lessons I teach you today, it will all become part of your systems. Above all else, value our family and take care of each other. 5, 10, or 30 years from now, I know you’ll understand our situation better. Whatever you read on my blog about you, whether funny, cute, silly, or embarrassing, know that you are both loved soooooo much. I love you beyond my crazy words can describe. 🙂 You, two, drive me insane. And I love you even more for that. Haha Please know that mommy will always be here for you two, and you will always be my babies no matter what. I’ll keep it short for now, but I’ll write longer love letters for your future birthdays. Haha Yes, I will be THAT annoying mom you will roll your eyes at in your teenage years. HAHA 😛
16) What advice can you give to other women who are (or about to be) single parents?
-You are not alone. It’s going to be a crazy road so keep your seatbelts on and just enjoy the ride. 🙂 Keep a journal, keep writing, and keep reading. Your own words will become your own sword and shield to survive. Always get ready for this rollercoaster ride. Focus, plan, and follow what’s best in your heart, just keep on going. Keep in mind that your “single” status doesn’t define who you are as a mother, a parent, or an individual. YOU are better than what you think about yourself. Keep a positive mindset and let go of negative people, thoughts, and situations.
Again, you are not alone. Let’s wander this journey together. 🙂
17) What’s one thing you’d like ALL non-single moms to know about single motherhood?
-Single moms don’t need your judgment or pity. We need help and encouragement. That’s all.
Wooohh! That was A LOT. Thank you so much for reading everything up to this part. You are one patient creature. God Bless you. 🙂
I hope you enjoyed this series as much I enjoyed answering them. I will publish more interviews soon. Watch out for our second story about a single mom raising her 10 year old son, in a pretty unique arrangement. 🙂
So what do you think about this first entry? Share your thoughts in the comments below. 🙂
Are you a single parent or do you know any single parents who might be interested in doing this Single Parents Interview series? Let me know, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
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