More than 5 years ago, I was a happy-go-lucky college student who’d just go to school for the sake of it. I felt nothing special whatsoever about the courses I took. As a typical student, it was merely a routine to attend classes, study for exams, do homework, work on projects, and basically just comply with what’s required to pass and move on to the next “level”. Clearly, I didn’t have goals nor have set any plans back then. In short, I never laid any thoughts about my “future”. Of course I had dreams. VERY BIG DREAMS, in fact, so big that only my imagination could contain so I just left them there. Ha!
So there I was, enjoying college life with no pressure about the future!
“Plan for your future”, they say. And I was like, Seriously?!
Uhmm, what do you mean plan? Excuse me, I’m only a college student, I’ll make plans when I retire! 😉
I remember the only exciting thing was hanging out with my friends. What makes going to school special when it’s just simply part of our lives, anyway? Everybody “must” do it.
Most of us are taught the need to follow this sort of life system order, you know – go to school, finish college, maybe pursue graduate studies, get a job, earn big, travel and enjoy a luxurious life, meet your soul mate, get married, build your family, and live happily ever after. The End.
Oh, what a sweet Disney fairy tale! Seems like a perfect life system huh. Alright, I’ll do that!
So like what most college kids did, I persevere in my studies but didn’t set a clear direction because I was merely following the perfect life “system”. I’ve already pictured myself as the beautiful Queen in a beautiful castle living happily ever after. Life’s a fairy tale, right?
Then my first baby came into the picture. I dropped out of school. I took a job.
Oh no, I just broke a part of my perfect life “system”.
It’s okay, I’ll fix it. I’ll work hard and once my daughter is a bit older, I’m sure I can go back to school and we can continue this “system” together and live more happily ever after.
Then my second baby came. I delayed returning to school. I worked more jobs. And I became a….waity for it….
..A single mom!
Oh big NOOO! I messed up my entire perfect life system!
Sweet Disney fairy tale – NOT HAPPENING. 🙁
Shit! I’m such a disappointment to my parents, to my family! :'(
Crazy how funny life gets when you start taking things seriously. That moment when life throws BIG JOKES on you when your not in the mood to laugh. Ugh!
So am I really saying good bye to the perfect life system?
Good enough, my optimistic side took over and made me realize a lot of things during my most depressing moments.
Each of us go through different crazy life adventures and messed up paths. The “system” is like a map, it’s merely a good guide but it’s still up to us to decide where we want to go and how we want to get there.
GETTING BACK UP
So what do I really want then?! I asked myself.
It became clear to me soon. I don’t want a
perfect life. BUT I JUST WANT THE BEST LIFE WITH MY KIDS! The BEST in my own standards.
Right then I knew it would all depend on me so I carefully studied myself. It’s amazing how I learned so much about me that I’ve never known before. I realized how important and rewarding and magical a self-discovery journey is. From then on, all I’ve been thinking about was my family’s future, so I’ve set plans and made goals and have been slowly working on leading a better direction, motivated and inspired by my kids.
I’ve never felt more driven in my life after everything I’ve gone through! Like a magic, with a single snap, everything suddenly became so vividly clear now, I know what I want and I’ll do everything to get there.. taking one step at a time and with FOCUS!
Most of the things I’m doing now, I make sure would contribute positively to my dreams, no matter how little or indirect the impact is. It wasn’t easy at all. But despite the difficulties, I never gave up. 🙂
And just last March 30, I finally checked one of my goals: To walk across the stage and receive my diploma with the biggest smile on my face ✔︎ 🙂 ^_^
Apart from the academic knowledge I learned in school, these are the most valuable lessons I’m taking with me for the rest of my life journey..
- I learned to laugh more at life when it’s kidding me.
- I learned to take it more earnestly in dead serious situations.
- I learned to stay stronger and work harder when going through tougher times.
- I learned that there is no such thing as a perfect life “system”. Hell, no perfect life at all!
- Most importantly, I learned the true meaning of FOCUS and NEVER GIVE UP!
Life is good, my friends, even if you’ve messed up some parts of your life “system”, trust that you can fix it and get back on track! YOU can do it! Oh life is so goood! 🙂
WHAT’S NEXT FOR ME?
Now I have to deal with post-graduation anxiety! And, quarter-life crisis, anyone? Geeeez!
Good luck to everyone, especially those who are going through tougher times. 😉