This has been the busiest time of my life – going to school, working part-time , running a small business, and raising small kids. In short, dealing a bittersweet life.
I like to think that I’m a very productive person – a diligent student, a dedicated employee, a determined businesswoman, and a responsible mother. I guess they call it A SUPERWOMAN. But in reality, I am NOT and I am far from being a good one. I know and I am guilty of that. Well yeah, I am all these doing all that. I attend school and go to work and do business and be a mom. But not in a way I imagine I would.
At least not in a way people think I would. And again, I am guilty. I am guilty to myself, much more to my family, especially to my kids. I admit, I am not doing all of it right.
But why not, Rose?
Okay first, I don’t want to be negative here, however, I don’t want to pretend to be perfect either. Second, I am not writing this for drama but I am just trying to be honest about my feelings right now.
So I am NOT a superwoman. Though I like to tell myself and I love to feel that way. But again, I am not.
Whenever I talk to some close people, I openly share to them my aspirations and long-term plans. I feel that most people who knew about my situation think that I am doing great. They seemed amazed on how I juggle my life now and how I’m trying to get back on track. Yes, I am trying hard to go back to the right path. I want to have a good sense of direction now after I got a bit lost when I dropped out of school and had kids. With that, it appears that I am a wonderwoman and a good role model for other women who have lost hope in getting back on their dreams. I like to think that way too. I want to be a superwoman somehow. But again, I am not.
Right now, to be honest, I feel so insufficient. I lack a lot and have a lot of lapses. I often come to school late. I sometimes lack passion in teaching. I mismanage my small business. And most importantly, I missed doing so many things that a mom should do. Even the simplest of things. I hate that I can’t be the supermom I want my kids to have. I hate that I can’t manage my time well. I hate my lazy bones inside of me. I hate how I love to procrastinate important things. I hate that I have to leave the house with too many tasks unattended. I hate that I am not working too hard. I hate that I am not pushing myself beyond my limits. I hate it all. I hate that I hate myself. I hate that I hate too much. Yes, I hate that I feel hatred.
But I love it at the same time. Yeah I’m weird, I know.
I love hating because it makes me feel better now. Expressing hatred seems good for me. After writing all these, I feel a little confident now. I now know my lapses and my weaknesses and I am determined to change it all. One hate at a time.
So how do I begin? Where do I start?
Well, I have to start with myself for sure. I can’t change things to become better if I don’t change to be the best first, right? Alright. Hatreds resolved. From this day forward, I commit to change hate to love. I commit changing laziness to productivity. I commit to manage my time efficiently. I commit to become the superwoman I want myself to be. I commit to get back on the right track. I commit to focus on my dreams and to work hard on my goals. I commit to be an outstanding student, a dedicated teacher, a confident businesswoman, and be the best mom to my kids. I swear from now on, I will love myself even more.
Above all these, I commit that I will shine brighter and I will fly higher. Weeee!
Wow! Writing that felt pretty great.
I guess I have to end this in a more positive tone. Life is good my friends. Let’s love ourselves more and commit to become the best than we were before. Let’s forever be thankful. Oh life is so goood!
Let’s spread the love. Let’s Stay positive.